now i wonder.. how long can i still stay in this house?? i feel like running away from home.. i am shouting at here again.. haiz.. well.. all thx to my dad.. =.= my life become so miserable liao..

brother there saying dad buying 4D.. he buy $80+.. i am damn furious.. i dun kw how many times i had told him not to buy so much.. if he could save up all them money~ think we are rich already.. how could him!!!! never spare a tot for others.. even he is my dad, i show no mercy.. i scolded him.. even if i will get shock by thunder.. i also must scold him.. using the power of his own daughter... i hope he will think... all these years.. how much we had suffer.. how much we had to go through.. how many time he said he dun wan to gamble.. countless...

i already take my last action... he said he will not gamble from next month onwards.. i was like WAT THE HECK~ why next month?? cant u just stop gambling from now onwards?? i also give words to him abt CNY.. since he gamble for the past few months... i gonna ban him from gambling this CNY.. even if it is a festival... i gonna ban him.. i kept all the mahjong.. and for safety purpose.. i gonna seperate the mahjong from INSIDE to all the part of our hse.. this will teach him a lesson.. i warn him, not to bring any frens to our hse to play mahjong.. i will not give face to him.. i will chase all his frens out of the hse.. even he beg me.. i will NEVER EVER pass him the mahjong.. if he insist on gambling.. sorry, i will move out of the house... i said it, i mean it..

i am a stubborn kid.. i had my own reason of being stubborn.. since young, my dad had break a lot of promises he gave us.. i dun trust him anymore.. i had taken my action.. now is up to him to decide.. and think.. what he really wan... he wan the whole family to break up??? or he wan the whole family to die.. is up to him to decide.. if he still so persistant, i will leave the house at once.. bringing my mom along..

he said he gamble coz he wanna send me to uni.. well.. i can dun go uni.. i dun believe i got hands got legs i cannot survive out there.. he use all these excuses.. wat the point??? if he think his daughter is so weak.. he is wrong... lets see... the day of me running away from home... soon i think..

all these years.. i am living in a happy house.. there were up and down.. there were time where my parents almost get divorce due to some jealousy.. coz mom is talking to a guy, dad was very unhappy.. i done everything i can to save this house.. i saw mom crying.. saw her red swollen eyes.. but who knows?? i was crying every night in my bed also.. every time when i scolded my dad.. who knows how i really feel??? every time, after i scolding.. i felt so guilty.. who will go scold own dad?? some time i even use some rude words.. or even ask him to go die.. i am wrong.. i kw.. but.. i just wanna him to spare a tot for us.. izzit tat difficult to stop gambling?? every time i scolded him, i really.. pain.. as a daughter.. how can i like this scold him?? is wrong.. i kw is wrong.. but in this family, ONLY i can save it from breaking up.. in this family, i am the only educated one.. in this family, i am the only sensible one.. in this family, i am the only girl that trying to do what ever she can to stop bad things from happening.. i just wanna keep this family safe and warm.. but... haiz..

all these years.. when did i really happy before?? every year de birthday, i am not happy when i suppose to be happy.. not because i getting older each year.. but.. haiz.. who really know what i wan?? even if is my birthday, i still have to see other ppl face whether they wan to attend my birthday a not.. if u ask me to count how many friends i have... i dun kw what to do.. i dun kw who to count.. it seem like i do not really have frens... everybody is wearing a mask.. i really dun kw what i really wan anymore.. i am always running about.. with no aims.. haiz..

the world is realyl cruel.. correct??? is so hard to be a gd man.. no matters how much tears i shed.. things will not change right?? must everything turn ugly den ppl will learn their lesson?? why must when ppl lose it den they will kw how to treasure.. not everything got 2nd chance.. a lot of thing, when u lose it, that it...

i plan my life.. i gonna get married at the age of 24-25.. start my own life.. for the next 4 to 5 years.. i gonna work real hard and earn enough money to buy myself a house.. and build an ideal house for my own.. is not easy i kw.. but i will work real hard..

is a long journey to where i know i suppose to be.. nothing is gonna drop from the sky... if i wan it, i gonna work hard for it... think i only can live for another 40 years?? so how am i going to live?? i have no dream.. so i just have to work towards my ideal life.. i only can live this once.. if i dun live to the fullest... maybe i will regret... i will find my way to the "home" i wan.. i gonna think what i wan for my future.. no more kiddy games.. i already going to be 21 year old.. the golden key year.. i will be an adult.. i can make my own decision.. so.. till than... let see what will happen next..