haiz... sian.. i was so blur in school today.. i forgot i got what lesson.. den anyhow walk... lucky my classmate saw me.. den tell me what lesson.. liew... very jialat sia!!! den inside lecture class.. stupid le!!! teacher say i so blur.. somemore so loud.. wa lao.. i really blur ma.. cannot help it de.. haiz.. den he say he very disappointed with my result.. coz he expect me to get more high.. T.T but.. i careless mistake ma.. den.. tat stupid superposition thingy i still dun get it!!! T.T haiz.. if not i sure get above 80 de lo..
sian.. i on having this thinking.... why tat javier dun wanna reply me leh????? izzit he scare of being hurt?? or what?? i really dun understand.. arghhhhh... haiz.. maybe.. think so bah... maybe should like tat.. haiz...
just finish concert.. but i still cannot get javier.. haiz.. oh well.. since tat is the case.. den i think i should stop auto find him liao.. wait till he auto find me bah.. give up leh.. really.... haizzzzz... bla bla bla bla bla... anyway, i got a teddy from my classmate wor.. ^^ yeah.... he so good.. muahahha.. but den.. tat eddie say.. so big leh still like teddy!! but i like teddy what.. cannot help it.. weeeeeee... oh well.. so long i like it.. nobody can take it away from me.. weeeee...
i think.. i still feel very real.. i dun kw why.. it seem like there is a layer of something outside of me.. prevent me from feeling the outside world.. izzit because i lock myself too long?? if u ask me.. what is love?? i have no answer.. i try to love... but it seem like is so hard.. no matter how hard i try.. it seem like i still got a distance away from javier.. what is love??? i always say i am behind the door.. and i always say i wan someone to get me out of tat dark world.. but den.. i am terrified.. whenever there is noise outside the door.. i will tend to hide more inside.. izzit becoz i too long never sense the outside world?? i dun feel life at all.. haiz.. feel like going to the beach.. since last year bah.. i always wanted to go to the beach so much.. to really relax myself.. let myself out.. so many dark things covered me.. who will be the one holding a touch and lead me out?? maybe that is the reason why i want security so much.. no matter how tight javier hold me.. how close he is to me.. there is always a distance between us..
9.04pm.. i still in school.. raining wor.. seem like today will be another day i get myself wet.. oh well.. nvm... is good to be wet.. i love to walk under the rain.. ^^ the time going to chek jawa.. tat is the only time, (so far) i so enjoy the rain.. weeeeeeee... think.. i should stop tat story i writing.. and continue another one bah.. and i think.. i gonna need to use more proper english.. gonna train my writing leh.. lucky now got eddie beside me.. if not.. i think i gonna start to anyhow think leh.. but maybe.. i will anyhow think later in the bus.. haha.. i always think and think when i am alone.. oh ya.. i still got my blog with me.. ^^
sian.. keep edit my blog.. coz i cannot really find the words tat suit my heart.. T.T
