let me see.. today suppose to have a lot to write bah.. but my brain now is kind of blank le.. anyway, i make a bet with yiyi just now.. yiyi~!~! dun worry.. i wun let u laugh de.. u can laugh.. laugh for my happiness... hehehe... i gonna make sure u overcome it.. coz i wan my yiyi back also ma.. hehe...tat tat javier.. really can slp... slp more den 12hours.. maybe 15hrs?? and i think more den that... haiz.. waited for this piggy to wake up, really can make me dui.. hahaha.. but nvm.. use to it le.. i meant to wait in my life de la.. lalala.. anyway, he went to malaysia liao sia.. and he said that he will be staying overnight there.. liew... let me see.. he so far.. make me disppointed 2 times... and make me cry 1 time.. heartbreak?? eh... 2 times... hahaha... like a bit... weird hoh?? but... i wun allow this to defeat me.. lalala.. yiyi.. dun try to laugh hoh... u are not the winner yet... next year christmas... u will see~! hahaha...


hmmmmm.. went to mac just now... the way to mac.. is a very scary road le.. everything so dark.. maybe becoz i wear my spec?? haha.. keep feel like somebody is following me.. anyway.. i am safe la.. went supper with yiyi.. but i eat only la.. den yiyi send me back home lo.. well.. long chat with yiyi sia.. i can see the sadness in his eyes.. those.. cannot put in words de feeling..ytd, i hurt my leg.. now.. blue black liao.. haiz.. i went to popular ytd... well, since i bring enough money.. i thinking of buying TSGS... but den.. the Q is so long... somemore.. the cashie machine is down.. den everyone is using their HANDs and write down the code and something like tat de la.. man.. really dun wanna wait lo.. ma fan... den.. i accidentally.. hit the corner of the table.. the table was abt my knee height.. tat why i hit it.. my skin came off... it didn't bleed.. but, was in pain.. den now blue black.. haiz.. why i always hurt myself de sia?? i dun kw le...haiz........ a guy will never know what a girl is thinking de la.. haiz............


gosh... i suddenly feel.. so weird.. feel so uneasy... can someone tell me what to do?? why everything was like.. PROOF.. change le.. all different liao?? or am i just not use to having someone by me side?? i cannot hide anyway... and one more thing.. whoever is reading my blog.. pls kindly keep all this as a secret.. coz i dun wish to let anyone kw abt it.. if u cannot promise to keep it as a secret.. pls leave my blog at once.. i dun wish to have more trouble...


i feel very uneasy now.. i take this as a true one.. my very real First Love.. but den.. why some bad thing keep on going thru my brain??? things like.. a relationship becoz have a bet with fren, or like.. wan to target one person den play a while den break off... why do this kind of stuff appear in my mind now.. and i really letting too off towards him?? why do i feel that anytime will get 2 timer.. oh come on.. what the hell is happening.. i lost the sense of secure??? well, is kind of unfair to think like this rite?? but den.. i really feel very uneasy.. izzit becoz i dun kw him long enough?? i feel blank now... i not getting emotional.. but den.. girls ma.. sure very sensitive de.. gosh.. what to do.. what a gf should do is just understand what their bf wanted right?? know what is more important for them.. why do i feel like.. i letting him do all his stuff his wanted, but.. like letting his heart go away too.. freedom - a sense of freedom.. since i was little girl.. i always tell myself.. my bf.. i will give him freedom.. well.. i think i am giving him now.. haiz.. and.. he really too guai liao.. coz what i say he all listen.. how wish he will sometime dun listen to me.. what does a bf mean?? what does a gf mean?? a person tat is special?? ya.. is true.. but i feel scare scare now le.. T.T this is the very first relationship i getting serious in.. maybe that is why i feel scare??? den all the negative stuff all appear in my mind.. see too much failure eg le.. i will do get affected also...


he wanted see my blog.. i dun allow.. coz i scare what i said on top might hurt him.. well.. cannot run away from it too.. but.. when i decided tat i wanted to tell him what my blog address is.. he went offline le.. that really feel bad.... gosh.. i getting emotional again.. hahahahahaha.. he got to tolerate my emotional side.. coz i am an emotional person.. if he like me, i wan him to like the way i am.. i used to change myself to what others wan me to be.. but i found out that i not happy at all.. i dun kw what to do le.. i feel lost.. newbie in relationship, do make me feel like i dun kw what is love.. dun kw what is relationship about... but i dun wanna run away... why it is like, i wanna tie him to me.. tat is selfish rite?? guys wun like to be tie.. bla bla bla...


ok... think in 2 shoes... what will he feel?? simply feel that his gf, is too sensitive, over react, think too much... what will i feel?? lost, scare, lack of secure.. haiz... all this is a MUST to overcome.. if something must do to this.. start from me bah.. let me ask myself.. did i really think too much?? i am a newbie(excuse), that why... haha.. see.. a gd excuse.. liew.. where can like tat de sia.. sian... wait a minute.. why do i think so many stuff anyway?? maybe i really getting too serious that i dun even kw it.. i did feel hurt sometime.. but i just have to bare with it.. just hope he can just pay a little bit more attention to me... haha.. that what all gals wanted rite?? since now my heart have being reformated, and now occupied... i just make sure the person staying inside will be a gd one.. someone that wun anyhow take a knife and play inside..


Can we last?? that what u ask me just now.. i feel hurt to see that.. but.. why do u need to think abt that?? a phrase "in the couples world, the time... is STOP..." since time is stop.. how long do u think we can last?? have confident in urself.. let the confident in u give me confident to really fan xin jiao gei ni.. i will be waiting for u to come back.. i kw i being waiting for so long... do u think remember?? thursday?? starting u were saying u wanna come and find me.. but u said that u were tired.. so i asked u to go home rest?? haiz.. do u kw.. how much i wish u to appear in front of me when i was sitting in starbuck at the particular seat?? but u didn't appear.. hahaha.. it did disappoint me.. sitting there, wondering have u reached home?? have u feeling better since u say u wan faint.. well... the whole thursday really disappoint me a lot wor.. but u dun have to feel bad.. u not worthless.. u are priceless.. u not useless.. coz u are someone important.. but till the end of the day, i still hope for u to appear.. but i kw u wun... but at least got june pei wo.. well, i got plan de... actually i wanna surprise u by pop up from no where in school to fetch u from school.. but den.. somehow i dun have enough courage to do that.. den... i dun kw what to do when i just meet u like tat.. so i ask june to pei wo till u pop up from somewhere.. coz u said that maybe u will meet me up the day before.. 50:50... well.. end up it fall towards the 50% tat wun come... all the worry i have, seem like nothing... why i need to worry so much anyway... wan give surprise... yet dun dare to.. wan to meet him.. yet scare dun kw what to say when face him.. i was so nervous when u was about to come find me... nervous till i also dun kw what to say... haiz.. but end up u didn't come.. why it seem like i keep repeating the same thing??


lalala...is 3am in the morning now.. i can't slp... i haven really get to kw what is love yet... i dun wan all this negative tot to overwrite what i dream of.. all the happy stuff, only in my dream den can see.. knowing what surprise he wanted to give me.. i already very touched.. he dun really need to do tat anyway... tml will be a long day... got to go out with sze peh... after that in the evening go marina south steamboat again.. everytime steamboat.. june always cannot make it.. sure got things pop up.. so suey... haiz... tml keep me out of all the negative tot.. from noon play all the way to nite.. maybe i can go to yishun pond tml?? after i reach yishun.. so long never being there.. miss the view there.. there is a place tat i love most.. sian.. feel like going now.. but sure get scolded by my parent for going out now.. going out now is not a problem.. the problem is alone... i dun like to be alone.. i am scare to be alone..


haiz.. feel better now... after letting out all of what i wanted to say.. phew.. feel better le.. sry javier.. if u feel hurt.. just dun care what i wrote here.. haha.. (*^-^*)