today is the last day of 2006.. as well as the last day of stanley staying in CPCC.. i organise a farewell party for him.. maybe it dun seem like a party.. but i just hope he can be happy la.. i feel sad.. kw why?? becoz i tot i can never celebrate this day with him.. coz?? javier is bringing me out for a celebration.. but now.. everything gone to thin air.. no celebration for me now..
i still dun believe it.. my eye still twitching today.. and know why?? haiz.. i just left myself all alone in my room crying.. on the way back home.. i control my tears.. once again.. u break ur promise.. since u like to break promise so much.. den must well dun give me any.. if u like to disappoint me.. congrate.. u did it.. why even the this special day also wan to disappoint me??
early in the morning.. i saw ur msg.. i was so touch.. knowing tat u are the right person for me.. but now?? what is this?? on the 29th.. u should have met up with me.. end up?? dun have.. nvm.. i told myself.. nvm... since cannot meet up.. i just have to wait for new year countdown.. waited and waited.. finally this day is here... ytd, i fill with hope and happiness.. coz i can really spend a long day with u.. end up?? u smash my hope.. really thank you so much ar.. i didn't kw u like to smash my hope again and again.. remember what i said before i put down the phone?? "can i trust your words??" u said YES.. but end up?? slping.. seem like u like slping more ar?? nvm.. disappoint me one time.. i take it as a nothing.. disappoint me the second time.. i take this as a excuse.. but.. what excuse can i give myself to help u stop disappoint me?? i can't find any excuse today.. u wan to help ur mum.. i respect ur mum and u.. i try to understand... but pls.. respect me too.. dun keep smash my hope..
no matter how hurt i am.. i just dun wanna admit it.. keep telling myself.. is ok.. nvm.. he got something on.. nvm.. is ok.. but how long can i continue to bluff myself?? i not a superwoman.. i not a 100% wei da understandable woman.. and i can never be perfect just for u.. i give in.. i let u.. i let u do whatever u wan.. dun disappoint u.. dun make u sad.. but.. i got a limit.. i can't always like this.. stanley told me.. if u wanna this relationship to last.. u got to control ur temper and ur emotion.. yes!! i trying.. and i never give up trying.. but.. u once again.. hurt me and hurt me.. i dun kw what to do den.. izzit my problem tat cause all this?? izzit my emotion?? izzit my temper?? no.. is not.. problem lie in u.. do u understand?? u got ur stress.. but i got mine too.. how am i going to handle my stress and the disappointment i got everyday?? all the problem i face everyday.. already make me headache.. i dun kw what to do anymore..
u tell me.. WHAT SHOULD I DO??? i feel so happy.. like the most happy woman in this world.. coz i kw.. finally.. i can really spend time with u.. and a long long time... not 1 hour.. but a few hours.. at least 6hours.. but tat msg.. thx you.. i dun feel like countdown anymore.. i feel dead.. do whatever u wan.. u wan slp.. u wan go out.. u wan help out ur mum.. u wan play ur com.. u wan do ur programming.. go ahead.. i dun wish to get hurt.. i let my hand out to u.. u didn't hold it.. everytime i take back my hand.. so pain... but i still let my hand out.. hope someday u will hold it and never let it go.. but seem like.. i am hurt again.. should i let my hand out?? or should i just keep myself in tat dark room?? is up for u to decide..
