guess what.. first time... we fight wor.. haiz.. man.. i really.. dun kw what to say also.. do this also wrong.. do that also wrong.. even write a line inside a show also wrong.. “我只会傻傻的等” this line.. i suddenly feel that her thinking somehow same with me.. we all love to wait.. no matter stupidly waited for someone.. or full of hope waiting for someone.. everything.. still got to wait right?? i being waiting for someone to find me.. to love me.. i tot i found the right person but it was wrong.. he was not the person finding.. den... end up... hurting him so much.. every single time when i saw his msn nick... i filled with guilt.. every single words he said.. just like million of needle pocking my heart.. no people wan this to happen.. and because of this.. i think.. i should always stay single.. single still suit me.. that what people say.. i am meant to be single.. right?? having a relationship is hurtful... but everyone just wanna have one.. why?? coz they like the pain?? or just simply the love they seeking..
i am seeking for a love.. a person... a person that can accompany till old.. someone that will understand me.. can tolerate my temper.. tolerate my stupid thinking.. understand and love me with all his heart.. everytime, when i filled with anger.. or even my eyes filled with tears.. no one is with me den my friends.. i hate.. i complaint.. why HE just wun appear sooner.. everywhere i am scare.. whenever i am down.. whenever i am happy.. i just wan to share with him.. every single little thing tat happen.. i wan him to know all about it.. share my happiness, anger, tears and also sorrow.. haiz.. this guy.. this person.. my prince for my whole life.. where are you??
when i met javier.. i really fall deep in love... even love sick... haiz.. think.. i really in love leh.. 爱情往往在你不知不觉的时候出现。当你发现时你只能陷进去。所以叫做 Fall In Love... i can never forget this phrase.. seem like.. i already fall into the river... javier is the rite man of my life... izzit?? it is so hurtful to find the rite person..
i really happy.. happy tat i met javier.. he gave me something tat no one can give.. the love he give.. is differnt from others.. the love we shared.. make me wan to keep it forever.. a forever no ending love.. between us.. i found something.. something tat will make us feel so terrible.. "what are you thinking".. i wan to know this most.. every single time.. when he dun wish to reply my msg.. this phrase will appear in my mind.. i dun kw what i have done wrong.. what i did that make him dun wish to reply?? i just dun understand why.. reply a msg.. izzit tat hard?? reply a msg from someone special to u.. izzit tat hard?? i really dun understand.. last time when xiong(my best fren) dun reply my msg i can cry a lot.. can u imagine.. when javier dun wanna reply my msg.. how bad i feel?? what did i done wrong anyway?? can someone tell me??
joanna told me this.. "did he treat u as a gf?? did he tell everyone that u are his gf?? if not, it just mean that he dun wan to prove this relationship.." he treat me very good.. that what i can say.. telling everyone tat i am his gf.. think.. if impossible bah.. understanding.. is the most important thing in a relationship.. some relationship fail because they dun understand each other.. but for us?? i understand him.. i put myself to the worst to understand him.. i put myself in his shoe to understand him.. everytime we chat.. i understand him even better.. but.. everytime i understand him a little bit more.. i wondering.. did he understand me?? when i am down.. did he try to cheer me up?? when i am scare.. did he calm me down?? when i am angry.. did he find out what happen??
we fight in the middle of the nite.. for what?? i dun kw.. i just have this anger inside me.. i start to hate him saying brb.. coz everytime he said that.. i kw.. sure very long.. but den.. i willing to wait.. no matter how long.. i still wait.. coz i love him.. that why i wait.. after waiting for nearly one hour.. he is back.. all becoz of this word "haiz".. we fight.. hao ke xiao.. i always haiz.. when i sad, disappointed i always haiz.. only when i am happy.. den i wun haiz.. come on... put urself in my shoe sometime.. what am i thinking?? do u kw?? i can't always be the one tat understand you rite?? sometime.. we got to take turn.. if not.. i will feel very xin ku de.. i not scare of this xin ku.. becoz is u.. u the one i love.. this kind of xin ku i dun mind.. but sometime.. i do need ur understand too.. pls.. hao bu hao?? try and understanding me too.. i waited for so long... and becoz of this haiz.. u just simply say.. gd nite.. bye bye.. i was so shock.. i almost burst into tears.. fine.. i said.. fine.. if tat is what u wan.. fine.. i head to my bed.. i keep myself awake.. why?? just to hope u can msg me and say one sorry.. but u never.. i waited.. and waited.. over 30min.. i waited.. nope.. not a single msg.. i tears to slp.. i got work.. yet i willing to sacrifice my slp just to talk to u.. but it end up like tat..
i dun like to fight.. and one thing.. i think u better kw.. in my whole life.. i hate ppl say bye bye to me.. i dun kw why.. i just simply hate it.. bye bye... is like gone.. wun meet again.. i rather dun wan to have bye bye.. i never willing to say bye bye.. but i have to accept it.. when i woke up.. another blow from javier.. seem like.. i am in the wrong.. coz i haiz.. tat why i wrong.. izzit?? i dun wish to quarral with u.. and.. u never reply back.. i try to cool down.. think for u.. and take the blame myself.. msg u.. yet no reply.. every single reply mean so much to me do u know?? but u didn't.. is like.. every 3-4 msg i send.. u reply once.. feel so hurt u kw.. u can say i am emotional.. i always emotional.. bla bla bla.. u hate me being emotional.. but den.. me is me.. and i am emotional.. u have to accept it.. i always emotional inside me.. i act as happy as i am a millionaire in front of people.. end up?? i crying alone in the middle of the nite.. u think i like to be emotional?? coz everyone around me.. no ppl teach me how to be happy.. how to NOT be emotioanl..
i try to act as nothing had happen to me.. still be the understanding ruby u wanted.. but... nvm... i use to it being like this.. no matter what happen.. i just wan u to be happy.. when u cold.. i try to keep u warm.. kw what i told dorrie?? i told her.. i rather dun wan to have surprise from u.. what i wan is just u.. can talk to u anytime.. can reply me when i msg u.. all this is just little wish from me.. kw what i dun dare to call u?? and keep sms u?? coz i scare.. there is nothing to scare abt.. rite?? remember i told u tat i scare of rejection too?? i scare when i call u.. u will reject my call..
i just wan some attention from u.. see.. i very ma fan hoh?? i like keep on disturbing u.. tat make me feel real bad u kw... when u never reply.. i wonder if there anything happen to u??? i so worry... but.. i dun dare to send another msg over.. scare u might be sleeping.. scare i will wake u up.. or scare u will hate me.. can i say.. i feel unsecure?? haiz.. think.. i really need to think thru leh.. let me tell u this.. if one day.. u really cannot find me.. pls.. dun cry.. i dun kw if what u said is true.. "i will cry like hell".. even if is a lie.. i still believe u.. i believe in whatever u said.. just dun cry... just be happy...
hmm.. today work... ok ok bah.. nothing special happening.. still becoming the middle man.. haiz.. so much burden being middle man.. anyway.. almost doze off while i work.. maybe not enough slp bah... energy too low leh.. haiz.. if not i think i can wait for yiyi to knock off.. hmm.. tml is stanley birthday.. i hope this is not the last birthday we celebrate with him.. i really hope tat javier can come with me.. but den.. he seem like dun wish to.. haiz.. cannot force him also.. but.. really wish he could go with me.. a tiny little hope inside me.. keeping me believe tat somehow.. he will go.. even if is only a TINY little hope.. but it still burning big inside me.. hmmm.. i still cannot be selfish.. well.. i did ask him to watch Death Note with me.. but he said that 4 of his friends ask him to go watch too.. oh well.. is ok with me de la~ hahaha (*^-^*) if he feel like going with his fren.. is alright.. i just have to ask others... tat all.. so simple.. awwwwwwwww...
hmm.. walking under the rain just now.. think gonna fall sick soon leh.. haiz.. saw javier online.. i say hi to him.. den.. he offline leh.. coz he say he wan go slp.. oh well.. since already so bad leh.. i just have to keep positive!!! I AM A POSTITIVE PERSON!!! muahahahha... feeling better saying everything inside me out.. phew.. feel so nice.. hmm.. tml gonna meet stanley at yishun safra ar 2.30pm.. haiz.. sian... JAVIER!!!!!!!! go with me neh!!!! sob sob... let me selfish one time.. go hao bu hao.. hehe.. tell me the answer when u saw this wor.. i kw u will feel sad.. or even angry.. but.. tell me leh!!! i am positive de wor.. hahaha..
