well.. time pass so fast today.. haiz.. one whole day never eat.. think i am a robot already.. haha.. today got EG1 exam.. well..it seem like it already gone case.. haiz.. oh well.. nothing i can do also.. after exam.. went for outing.. cost me $9 for taxi fare.. haiz.. stupid..
well.. i got there.. caught 1 prawn.. on my own.. haha.. only yiyi never caught.. i got there very late.. i the last one to reach... and.. i caught the prawn.. yiyi dun have.. haha.. very fun... the feeling of catching things on ur own is so great.. well.. i went shouting like crazy today.. coz.. they keep use the prawn and scare me.. and all sot of stuff.. wanna push me down the pond etc.. haiz.. i the only person shouting all the way man.. haha.. oh well.. at least enjoy..
hmmm.. after the outing.. went back to mac.. well.. do some document.. den after that.. went to northpoing lo.. haiz.. was so bored.. so tag along with some of my fren la.. mac de fren.. haha.. we went to timezone.. and play some games lo.. haiz.. so bored..
well.. haiz.. some stuff dun wanna say.. sian.. lazy for me to say.. oh well.. wentto cheng guan hse and "play"... haiz.. end up.. kanna play by him.. disturb my fren in my msn.. saying all sot of stuff making me really wanna kill him at that very spot.. haiz.. he disturb... jasmine( my ah ma).. zhen he.. bobo... and who ar?? oh ya.. xue leong.. haiz.. well.. only ah ma kw tat person is not me.. unlike tat zhen he.. even sms him saying tat person replying is not me.. he dun even believe.. haiz.. he can really go die liao.. haiz.. well.. but very gd tat ah ma kw tat person is not me.. hehe.. but den... it seem like cheng guan went a bit too over liao.. those stuff he said.. is those i really cannot take it de.. dun kw why.. i never kill him on tat spot.. haiz.. no way i can do it.. but.. bobo in the end also kw is not me.. haha.. bobo also quite clever.. knowing his jie is not the one replying him in msn..
haiz.. sian.. so much stuff i wanna say out.. but.. dun kw why.. just having this feeling that i dun really wan to say it out in my blog.. haiz.. what happen to me?? haiz.. oh well.. what i really wanted.. is just somebody... tat can just accompany me.. tat all.. haiz... somebody tat can clear all my mind.. somebody tat can make me happy.. haiz... travelling?? i think.. it gonna become the most hate stuff liao.. well.. if u all got the chance.. try everyday travel the same road.. same bus.. and.. ALONE.. in the bus.. travel for abt 40min or so.. haiz... see if u all can take it.. i know i can't..
hell.. i crying... all becoz of what???? haiz.. just have a fight with xiong.. coz.. i heard something tat i really hate it!!! heard tat he told mac frens tat mac de nanny.. is me.. i dun kw how come all this word come from his mouth... he dun even remember.. haiz.. nvm... i dun kw.. why.. people always like to REN SHENG GONG JI!!! i really very hate people doing tat... if they like to attack in tat way so much.. go attack others la.. what for attack me.. i hate it so much.. i more hate it when i fight with xiong or anybody close to me.. coz i will end up like now.. crying.. what for crying for them... huiling!!! dun worth it.. please.. wake up... is ur life.. not their... even if u cry till u die.. nobody will care how u feel.. even if how u hate one stuff.. people wun care.. so long as they are happy.. so long as everybody is happy... they will just do whatever they wan.. and u?? and just a object or subject that can make them happy.. so what if u cry??? so long they got their fun... they dun care anything... even how u feel..
it making me think back to my past... my past.. all those.. cruel past.. all those.. i just cannot take it... i dun kw why my past is so... dark... so bad.. all those bully days... really.. making me very... weak... i being bully.. ever since i know how to take care of myself.. maybe kindergarden time bah... since den.. i always get bully.. when i go pri sch... life is not easy also.. even went i go secondary.. life is getting more and more terrible for me.. the way they bully.. also increase... i dun kw.. how many time... i have cried.. all becoz of being bully.. well.. when i get bully.. i wun tell my parent.. coz i kw they will be worried abt me.. and all sot of stuff.. they got their stuff to do.. i dun wanna add more burden to them.. so.. i chose to take all by my own.. and.. i dun kw is a right or wrong decision... well.. i manage to overcome.. after abt.. 11years plus.. but... i dun kw why... people keep on bullying me.. non-stop.. haiz.. and what i do?? is to let them bully.. i dun have the strength to fight back.. i just can't... coz i kw.. one wrong step.. and i will be gone case.. i try to be as careful as possible.. but.. what i will do is to get bully and more bully.. i dun kw.. why my life is like tat.. i born to be suffered?? or what?? or born to be a toy to let ppl play.. or just something to let ppl bully.. and make them happy.. haiz.. i still remembered.. in sec school.. got one time.. i get bully.. ah ma(jasmine) go fight with that person.. ah ma dun bear to see me keep on get bully.. and she go scold tat person.. i was so touched.. ytd.. i saw ah ma.. well... ah ma said something.. really.. give me what i wanted.. "Love & Care".. what i wan is just "Love & Care".. she asked "got get bully in school??" ah ma always know.. i always get bully.. really... feel so warm in my heart when see ah ma.. ah ma always will protect me de.. she kw how i felt..
well.. cheng guan shoulder is very nice to lean on.. was leaning on him a few hours ago.. and it give me a warm feeling.. so hope he is beside me now.. at least.. a shoulder to let me feel warm... haiz.. too bad.. he is not here.. well.. was very happy tat he wanted to come fetch me after school.. coz i really wish somebody to be with me when travelling.. but den.. it seem like.. it wun be happening.. haiz.. seem like alone de world.. is still there.. haiz.. nvm..
What I Wanted Is Just Love And Care... Why Can't I Have It.... Where Is The Concern I Gave?? Will They Pay Back?? Well.. I Guess Not...all the fake smile on my face.. is so tiring.. i always hope those close to me de.. wun hurt themselve... i will do anything to protect them from hurting...
