haiz.. sian... what a day... so disappointed.. becoz of that xiong reply.. haiz... is only something tat i dun wish him to see... becoz of tat evl say something out!! must not let him see... in the end?? get scolding... even i kw he is joking.. but i just can't help it to be sad... indeed... i kw him very well.. well till i also dun kw the limit... well till i can even sense him anytime... sense if he is near.. if he is in hard time... sense what is he feeling... all these senses... make me really confuse... i dun kw what i am thinking.. i dun kw what i should do... T.T i can't control... i kw.. i kw i will hurt myself in the end... i kw... the ending will not be the one i wish for.. i kw... tat why i trying to control... but i can't... haiz.. heard joanna told me... tat day i hurt my rib cage... she told xiong.. liew.. what he reply?? "she got 2 *** in front... still will hurt meh??"... haiz.. tat hurt me again.. sian.. i really dun like people ren sheng gong ji me le... i can really ignore the person 4ever... i got msg him and tell him i injured myself.. but.. not a single msg he reply me.. i waited and waited.. no reply at all... also dun kw what i waiting for?? waiting for someone to say "oh.. how r u.. feeling ok??" well.. i think i ask for too much le.. haiz... also dun kw why i take his things so seriously...

well.. today.. i dun have enough sleep... was so tired.. but have to go nyp see if got course i can get into... see if got course i interested in.. but... nothing.. nothing in mind.. look like.. i have no hope to get into the school le... well.. why not let it be?? go NP lo.. no choice also.. but... was very giddy and headache when going out of the school.. maybe becoz too hungry le.. den too long never eat... den a bit weak all over.. haiz.. now.. dun even have the time to eat also.. watch animation till dun have time to eat... T.T no wonder will headache and giddy...

went to toapayoh today.. with joanna ma... coz after go nyp.. she said she wanna buy something.. den i go lo.. arghhhh... feel like fainting anytime.. haiz.. den was online msn using my phone... well.. was chatting with xiong... he asked me to go to joanna hse and sleep.. haiz.. i really wan to sleep.. but cannot... coz.. got work later on.. should be full 8 today de.. becoz of the nyp thing.. i asked stanley to help me.. but in the end.. i went back early.. and start work early also... well.. i bought milk shake for them also.. haiz... what a day...

just now was on the phone with joanna... oh well... becoz... something happen to me.. and i dun kw what to do.. so i ask joanna lo.. haiz.. when working.. got one guy get my number from tat idiot eric.. i same sch.. same class with him for 5 years!! and he gave other people my number without my permission!!! what the hell!! how can he do tat!!! was working.. den tat guy came and buy things ma.. den was like.. keep disturbing me lo.. haiz.. tian ar!!! why!!! den after tat... argghhhh.. msg come in... well.. is too obvious tat it was tat guy.. heard tat guy name call what kang xin de... liew!!! me?? got people wanan take number from me?? am i dreaming or what?? well.. it hurt when i pinch my face.. look like i am very awake... everytime... unknown number msg me.. or called me.. i will be very scare.. coz.. when i saw these word.. "can we be friend".. i will scare till dun kw what to do.. haiz.. oh well.. nvm den.. dun die to have another fren.. but.. was a bit too over le.. but.. the reason he get my number... is becoz.. when i work.. i very funny??? -_- tat the reason?? what a weird person... hmmm... he same age with me.. and was studying at ITE... hope!! hope he wun come and disturb me!! hope he wun come to my work place and ka jiao me!!! haiz.. dun worry.. i wun like him.. kill me also wun like... i dun go for these kind of people de.. but i really scare tat person will come my work place seh.. haiz.. he was saying tat he wanna kw me better... T.T i really dun kw what to do liao la.. entertain tat person a while.. den i stop msg him le..

hmm let see.. msg xiong just now.. not a single reply.. haiz.. joanna even told me tat xiong called her also.. liew.. why never called me?? oh well.. fine den.. i got nothing more to say also.. i tot he might be boring doing closing.. den msg him.. den what i was waiting for?? everytime.. waiting for nothing.. dun kw why.. i started to see my hp everytime i woke up early in the morning.. the first thing is to see my hp if there is any msg.. but... haiz.. sian.. nvm..

i found out that.. i starting to eat my medicine le.. starting to feel tat my gastric problem back again le.. i wonder if izzit tat i miss my meal or what.. den started to feel pain.. oh well.. whatever.. it doesn't matter also rite?? how wish.. i can sick.. a big sick.. at least i wun need to think so much of thing.. den can rest at home for many days.. but at that time.. i am sure.. no ppl will kw what happen to me.. coz.. i am always the one telling people what happening to me.. and no ppl will ask me how r u?? what happen recently?? are u still the same as usual?? well.. elvis send me one msg.. and i feel that.. very meaningful... and was like.. saying me... "behind ur smile, i kw there are sorrows... behind ur laughter, i kw there are tears..." haiz.. so many thing started to flash across my mind.. coz i dun even kw.. when my smile is a real one.. when is a fake one?? when my laughter that is coming from my heart.. when is the laughter tat i act out de... i trying to smile as much as possible.. trying to cover my sadness side.. but whenever i got the chance to let my smile go offs... oh... what a relieve... when at home.. i dun need to smile.. dun need to do this.. and that.. only can relax myself...

oh well.. xiong reply me le.. is that what i always waiting for?? is that what i keep asking for?? for his name to appear?? oh well.. what a long 3 hours to reply.. haiz... people is working.. no choice.. people is so busy.. sure wun have time to reply de.. i keep telling myself.. take i easy.. dun take it so seriously.. T.T haiz.. failed.... my leg was numb.. so numb till i knee down on the floor.. cannot even move.. coz.. once i make a move.. i feel pain.. why see a msg also so hard?? isn't the waiting time already very torture ppl liao?? haiz..

hmmmm... i was so looking forward for next friday to come.. coz.. can go ice skating.. xiong said tat if he dun have work.. he can come... haiz.. but.. why i sense tat... no hope?? why i sense tat he will be working tat day... well.. everytime when i know tat there is 50:50 chances of going... i put so much hope in it... so far.. my hope never go down drain... haiz.. so hope he can go.. but.. haiz...

sian... just now i cry so much.. the animation so touching.. i cry till.. haiz.. i was very very touch by the animation.. how wish... how wish got my own tamahome.. tamahome was the person i wanted most.. the kind of ppl i wish for the most.. but.. this kind of person only can be found inside cartoon or animation.. in real life?? haiz.... no hope le.. so many things can happen in animation tat real life can;t.. tat why i like to write story.. write all those things tat wun happen on me de.. i wanna start a new story.. with new story line.. and a new life.. a new story tat i always wanted.. but first.. let me get something to write on first.. haha.. k la.. conitnue watch my animation le.. headache... haiz..