bloggee... wo hao bu kai xin wor... dun kw wat happen~ dun kw why my mood is affected... whole day... like huo si ren... no energy... haiz... whole day stay at home.. nothing to do... sob sob~ haiz... everything keep inside my heart really very hard... haiz~ watever~ happy or sad.. i myself suffer... no matter wat thing happen.. i myself suffer... i very scare... dun kw how to handle thing... i scare i make the wrong move.. and that the end.... i dun wan lost anything... or any person... today.. i thinking whole day... if someday... my kin pass away... (touch wood) how am i going to handle it?? how am i going to live?? in my daydream... i saw my dad pass away... oh man.. i really cry out... even thinking can coz me so much of tear... i dun kw.. if someday... (touch wood) really happen.. well.. one day.. it will happen... if tat day really come, how am i going to survive??? it is very hard.... i dun wish tat day will come.. TOUCH ALL THE WOOD I CAN FIND!!!

i dun wan that feeling... the feeling.... of lost.... lost of everything... coz every move i make... will coz me to change... haiz... oh man... why i have to suffer so much??? i am not strong enough... haiz... my emotion... very weak... how to make my emotion strong??? haiz.. i am weak... why i keep bluffing myself??? i kw i am weak... why i keep bluffing myself tat i am strong... i really a bit.... crazy liao... tian ar... will i get depression??? i think.. i am in depression already... haiz~ wat should i do??? if i really dun faster learn to be independent... i dun kw wat will happen to me.. why must i live under ppl??? why i cannot live without ppl... i cannot over rely on ppl.. or else.. i am dead... me myself.. i kw i over rely on yiyi and xiong.. i kw i bring a lot of trouble to them... i kw it myself.. but... i raelly dun kw wat to do.. i kw tat i am just a baby... i kw i cannot grow up... i kw tat i cannot continue like this... coz i will keep bringing trouble... i raelly dun wanna bring trouble to yiyi and xiong... coz.. i dun wan them to feel fan gan... now... i already got a feeling tat they feel fan gan... haiz... but.. they probebly will just say u think too much... but i kw wat i am doing.. and i know that... i will think a lot... well.. i maybe will get scolded coz i keep thinking a lot.. why can't i think simple?? this prove tat my emotion is weak...

eric told me before.. if somebody ask for a relationship.. why dun i say yes??? why dun give it a try?? take it as a experience?? u kw wat i thinking bloggee??? i dun wan a relationship that is so in secure... i dun wan an "anyhow" relationship... u kw why i still remain single??? becoz i wanan find one guy.. tat is suitable for me.. and i wan my first one... be the one i wun 4get... but... shuo chuan le... is i fear... i fear of relationship.. coz... i will anyhow think...

oh pls.................. tell me wat to do....... i going insane... u all probebly will just say.. dun think too much can already... but... how can u all ask a person tat always anyhow think not to think too much?? jsut like asking a person tat only kw how to do farming to go high-tech place and work stright away... is very hard!!! i need some ppl to guide me step by step... but... i so ma fan.. so ma fan.. who will willing to guide me?? if really got his kind of person... i dare to let tat person be my first one... haiz... why am i thinking rubbish??? oh~ tell me.... how~